We made out that it was a game and therefore unreal. But it happened. My first kiss was with a girl.
Through the summer she made me boxes covered with tissue paper and filled with tiny beautiful things she had found in the woods…and we sat for hours finishing each others sentances.
when they forced us apart I cried and cried like the world was over. I went and hid in the library and my tear drops stained the pages of every volume I picked up.
All the people I loved first were girls. with that unself-conscious love where nothing is mediated and you have no comparisons.
Before someone stoops down and whispers in yr ear ‘you can’t love x, only yr idea of x’ or ‘girls can’t get married to each other because one day they have to give up giggling and sleepovers and dancing in the street and live in small neat houses with no one for company but a man that they once knew when they were young, who now stalks the house like a distant memory.
Because at that point yr world is small- and this is yr reality and no one can fuck with it.
But then they sent you away.
And i heard them.